September 18, 2009

Approximately 8 months ago, Brett and I were standing in our bathroom, staring wide-eyed at the positive pregnancy test. Emotions and tears overwhelmed us by the thought of bringing a life into the world. September 18th seemed so far away, but of course, well worth the long wait.
A couple weeks later, we arrived at our 1st ultrasound. Nervous and excited to finally hear the baby's heartbeat! As the Dr. was doing the ultrasound, she noticed a small flicker of a heartbeat, but the baby's heartbeat wasn't strong enough to hear. She said "Are you sure you are 8 1/2 weeks? Your baby is measuring about 6 weeks. Of course confusion, anger, frustration, and plenty of emotion overwhelmed us as we were trying to figure out exactly what this means. A week later, we went in for another ultrasound to see if the baby had grown in that weeks time. As many of you know, and most of you are figuring out, our fears of not being able to have a baby on September 18th were then being lived.
I think about this day often, and still try to figure out why God would have this in His plans. As days seem to move by slowly and time was the only thing getting in the way for Brett and I to try again, I faced God with this question often. The realizations I got from this whole experience gives me peace. I know that the Lord does not give us more than we can handle, (even though at times, I didn't know if I could handle the pain). This experience has allowed me to see how hard it is for others who have gone through this experience or are going through this experience. I have been more sensitive to others and pray for them often. This experience also gave me such insight on how blessed we are to have a Savior that cares for us so much. Anytime I felt heartache, I gave it to Him. This experience allowed me to see His goodness, His love, His timing, and the many blessing that I already have. It allowed me to look at my husband in a way I have never seen. I thank God for Brett, and how much he loves me and how much more he loves the Lord.
The fact that our baby is with Jesus now is overwhelming. No one can comprehend the joy that this child is experiencing compared to living on earth. I completely understand that God sees the big picture in our lives. The whole time Brett and I are experiencing this, I believe God was looking at us, heartbroken.. but at the same time with a grin on His face thinking "You just wait.... Wait to see what I have for you...."
and of course, as you know.. this story ends happily... Brett and I were even more joyed when we shockingly discovered that we were expecting again.. (long story about that too:)) I can't describe to you how blessed we feel.. how blessed we are!! I also can't describe how much I love this baby already (and its only the size of a marker!) I smile from ear to ear every time I think about God and how he works through hard circumstances. I smile when I think about how this baby is a miracle in itself.. I'm amazed every time I read about what our baby is doing from week to week. I just can't comprehend how I don't do anything, and yet this child is growing inside of me. We serve and are loved by an amazing Creator!!!!!

If you are America's Got Talent watchers, you know the story of Babara Padilla, an opera singer who was diagnosed with cancer and had to come to America for treatment. Here, she met her husband, which allowed her to have her little girl, and then she got the chance to be on the show. Her performances are amazing, and she gives God the credit. She mentioned on the last show, "If I never would have gotten cancer, none of this would of happened, I want to thank my God"

February 21st can't come soon enough... but when it does.. Brett and I will look at our child and say, "If we wouldn't have experienced that pain, we wouldn't of had you."
Praise the Lord!